its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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