I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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