hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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