walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
