Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
