Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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