he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
