Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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