i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
