oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
