the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Small penises have feelings too.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
