O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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