if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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