You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
