I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This baby is an asshole
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
