You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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