it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
