I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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