my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
