I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
someone owes me an orgasm
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
