I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
