It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize