Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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