If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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