"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
