I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
