So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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