There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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