I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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