you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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