ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wanna go halves on a baby?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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