I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just high enough for therapy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize