yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize