Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize