WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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