I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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