How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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