she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
