I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
