My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
