Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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