i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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