A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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