just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
