she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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