he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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