Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
