why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My hand turned me down
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
