Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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