Its about making memories worth repressing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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