I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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