sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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