After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
