It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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