home. puking in laundry basket.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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