I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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