when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
