yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
