I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
