u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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