i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
