my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
