chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
