Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
