My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
