seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize