I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
