I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
