Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
