Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
