my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
