Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
